How Trump Can Raise Monies

Working the MAG gig

Janice Arenofsky
3 min readJan 16, 2021
Photo by Aubrey Hicks on Unsplash

Trump already has several hundred million dollars from duping followers into thinking he could undo the results of the 2020 election with their monetary support. That’s a lot of moolah, but Trump still needs more. He has loads of bills to pay after his motorcade leaves the White House.

Because I love the guy so much I brainstormed the following money-making suggestions to help Trump pile up more capital to cover his expenses for all those exciting adventures he engaged in during his administration. That way he can set up housekeeping in Mar-a-lago, pay off judges for that stay-out-of-jail card, and con Putin into spying on Hillary’s emails.

Here are my most sincere recommendations for helping Trump fill his piggy bank — oink, oink!

1. Trump dresses up as Cupid for Valentine’s Day and walks about in Time Square with a fistful of arrows that he uses to pick up stray litter on the streets. People pelt him with greenbucks for these efforts not only to Make America Great but also to Make America Beautiful.

2. Trump can hold a Make America Great telethon. Giuliani can emcee and incite viewers to contribute by “combat.” If they succeed in defecating at any of the 50 state capitols AND plan on donating $1 million to the MAG fund, Trump pledges to send souvenir Trump 2020 ballots to the first 1,000 persons.

3. Trump can volunteer to be Grand Marshal of the St. Patrick’s Day parade in NYC. He’ll dress up like a leprechaun and ride the Make America Great float down Fifth Avenue. He’ll use his handy-dandy AK47 to shoot at stray homeless drunks, and no one will arrest him. So he’ll collect on all those bets he made with Republican members of Congress. That should add up to a tidy sum!

4. Trump will dress up as the April Fool — he’s a natural — and go on cable TV where he will hawk his new line of Make America Great recipes. He’ll slice and dice with the best of chefs and compete for big cash prizes. Ivanka and Melania will provide ample eye candy appearing in designer duds from neo-Nazi-owned companies.

5. Trump will play to veterans in May by literally popping into the Memorial Day Parade in NYC in his Make America Great Hot Air Balloon. Also…



Janice Arenofsky

Humorist who aims to make it to the big leagues. So laugh like a hyena and pretend i’m Fran Leibowitz. What? You don’t know her. Get a life!